I will still be building on the skills learned (and relearned) in lesson two as I work my way through lesson three and learn how to generate ideas while on a deadline. I remember doing this lesson, it was very fun and taught me a lot, so I can’t wait to dive back into it and work on getting some good ideas moving about that I will be able to work from.

That is the case with lessons one and two. I know the material already, so I just need to skim lesson one and dive into lesson two.

I really need lesson two right now, too. It helps to define what I will actually enjoy writing and how to find the right genera for me. That is something I need, because in the last year my preferences for what I like to read took a bit of a shift away from the fantasy novels I had grown up on. My friend defined it best I think in that we are more urban fantasy types now, but I need to consider if that is really what I enjoy writing and that is what lesson two is all about.

So, I will leave you to your writing now, and I will dive into lesson two of the How to Think Sideways writing course.

My mom never faltered in her belief that I would be a published author. She believed strongly in my writing, encouraged me to follow my dreams. There were more than a few months over the past six years when the only way that we got from month to month was by the margin I added to the month’s income from my writing work. And this came to be enough for me. My mom felt that I had made it as a writer when my writing earned enough money to pay the bills.

Still, I wanted to be a published novelist and she encouraged me to reach for that star.

After she passed away, in late 2008, I let my dreams slowly get snuffed out under the pressure of others and other needs. I worked at writing, kept working to pay the bills, but the dream to be a published novelist was a lost dream for well over a year now.

I am no longer going to be afraid to pursue my dream, my mother’s dream. I am going back to the How to Think Sideways course that I was a part of when my mom passed away. The course that she encouraged me to take, and take it over from the beginning. As I work my way through that course I will use this website to track my progress and share my thoughts on writing.

I would like to offer the most heartfelt of thank yous to Holly Lisle, the course creator, for creating the course and for giving me a chance to return to it all these months later to work my way back through it and move toward my and my mother’s dream of me being a published writer.

Sort of a writing depression I guess you could call it. I wanted to write, I really did, but I just could not get up the energy required to think of what I should be writing about, I certainly could not then summon the energy needed to actually write it.

I will not admit how long it took for me to realize I was in this state, but those that know me as a writer can likely make a good guess. A few days ago I realized it myself, and realized that something had to be done. Either I had to break free of this nasty cycle, or I had to give up being a writer and turn my energy toward another profession to help support me and my dad.

I can’t give up on writing. It is… me. I breathe it and think about it and just can not get along in a day if I can’t sit down and write. It is important to me.

So, how to end that funk? Well, the first step was to sort out the cause of the writing depression. That required a lot of thinking about why I was not getting my work done.

You might have a different determination, but my determination was: why work for nothing?

I was not doing volunteer work, I was working, but… the goal that I was working toward was something that seemed, at times, unattainable because of external factors that I knew were going to be working against me. Why bust my tail for 10 years to achieve nothing?

It just made no sense to me. So, since I knew that the cause of my depression was an inability to see where the hard work would achieve anything in the long run, my next goal was to find out how I could solve the issue.

For me, it was to talk to some people. I needed to sit down and get some things sorted out so that I had their word that my efforts were not going to be wasted. If I work myself to the point of collapse, they will not turn around down the road and kick things out from underneath me.

It is amazing how much just knowing that your siblings are going to support you rather than kick you as soon as you are down can change your outlook on stuff. I can’t say that the depression is entirely gone, but I at least feel more secure that my efforts are not going to be wasted. I would prefer to keep my health and have a social life, but I am giving up my health, social life, and a good percent of my sanity to make my writing work toward a long term security for myself. And now I have promises that it will not be for nothing if my siblings have any say in the outcome of things down the road.

Is it a cure? I’m not sure. But I do know that I feel better about writing at this time than I have in a very long time… since before my mom passed away.

If you have found yourself in a depression when you sit down to write, you might want to analyze what it is that causes the feelings and treat the lack of enthusiasm to write as a form if depression that requires careful analysis and specific steps to move through and beyond the writing depression.

Why is it that when something has not been done for a while there is kind of a learning process that needs to be taken to relearn how to do it? I still know how to write, of course, but I seem to take all day just trying to get one thing done, stuff that I should be able to do in fifteen minutes and move on to the next task.

I think part of it is leftover from May, and some is my desk is still dreadfully cluttered. Need to get the desk cleared off, but have to catch up n some writing before I can even think about that.

“I have to say, I enjoy your website. Maybe you could tell me how I can keeping up to date with it?”

So, how do you get updates for this blog? Well, there are a couple of options aside from checking back here on a regular basis.

Twitter Feed: You can find links to blog posts on my Twitter feed under the Twitter ID of freelancersoffc (Note: that is offc, not office)

RSS Feed: You can subscribe to the RSS Feed using a variety of RSS readers.

• Post to this blog every day
• Finish rebuilding the main Freelancer’s Office website
• Maintain a 9-5 work schedule M-F throughout the month
• Review outline for co-written novel and get back to it
• Start outline for nonfiction book I am planning
• Write 2 articles
• Get office under control to make working easier

I’m sure I will think of other things I forgot, but for now, this is the goal list for June.

The month started out on a sour note that I would not even realize had happened until roughly halfway though the month when I discovered that it had resulted in unexpected overdraws at the bank. Not good.

I won’t go into details here on everything that happened, but I will say I was not surprised that the month ended with me getting growled at for no reason other than the growling party was tired and another overdraw at the bank because the bank failed to make an automatic deposit from another bank until today, but cleared the cable bill payment during the weekend. And those were the good events of the month.

So, yeah, I am so glad to see May leave. One of the few good things that occurred was the verification that Misha Collins is going to be back on Supernatural in his role as Castiel for Season 6. I just hope that he gets a lot of screen time, that’s my favorite character.

So, now for June. We’ll see how this month goes.

I contacted them to find out what additional shipping to Alaska would be. No response. Ah well. They said RIGHT THERE that they would ship to Alaska, so, I felt safe in bidding on the item and we could work out the difference in cost or I could provide them an alternate address located in the lower 48 States to ship it to.

I bid, I watched my bid get pushed higher and higher in under $2 increments. Finally I won the paper cutter. Good price for both me and the seller, I paid at once and seller left me feedback that they were happy with my purchase.

Then they never contacted me. I waited. After a bit I sent an email, just to check in. Silence. I waited and waited. No response. Finally, as the time neared to file unreceived item at eBay I sent them another email. They responded with a short statement that they can not ship to Alaska and refunded my money.

Wait? What? They said in the listing, had to TYPE IT IN, that they would ship to Alaska. I told them I was ready and willing to pay extra, just let me know what it would be. I had four people ready to receive the item in the Lower 48 and forward it to me themselves. The seller could not be bothered to respond to one of my multiple emails asking about shipping?

Poor Poor seller practices TrulyRC. Very very poor.

My opinion: they were disappointed with the sale price and saw a chance to renege on the sale so they could relist it without being bitchslapped by eBay.

Advice to other sellers: Don’t ignore the customer. ASK them if they have alternate ideas before you flip them the bird and refuse to complete a sale they had entered into in good faith. They MIGHT, just MIGHT know what they are doing. I had a freaking TREADMILL, yes a treadmill, delivered to Alaska from an eBay seller in New York for cripes sake, I think I could have helped them work out getting me the paper cutter.

Click image for full size view of the original listing from eBay. Notice the last line that clearly indicated to me that the seller WOULD be willing to work out shipping to Alaska.